Valentine’s Day is a dicey holiday because so many are unhappy about their love life, and probably their life in general. For those, this day is a bitter reminder of loss and / or emptiness in one’s soul.
My soul-mate is the man I am married to. We are equally yoked in intelligence, faith, giving qualities, values, principles, and how to spend the valuable asset of time. He is that highest ideal I hold of myself. Prior marriages were disastrous because many of these elements were lacking.
Having said that, divorce takes its toll on children. I have only those deep regrets for my children growing up with a mother who was relationship ignorant. It happens in the dysfunctional homes many of us grew up in. I did not find my soul-mate until I had changed those things about myself I wanted to change, and I finally stopped looking. I had decided I would remain alone for the rest of my life.
Soon, I realized I was lonely, even in a room full of other people . . . most married. I took my tearful and heartfelt prayers to my knees. I prayed for the Lord to pick me a husband, since I had done so miserably. About a week later I met John. I felt a tiny surge of electricity when we shook hands. Yes! I was paying attention.
If your marriage is stale, or on the rocks, you might want to remember the beginning of your love. Since our mates always represent the highest ideal we have of ourselves*, you might remember what that common ground is. When you make that discovery, and it is an honorable set of ideals, you might want to have an honest conversation with your spouse. See if you can fall back on those ideals to once again re-kindle your relationship. If one of those is something bigger than both of you – your faith in the Lord, you should take it to prayer together. I have had miracles in my life, and I usually prayed for them.
If you suffer from low self esteem, and so does your spouse, then repairs must start with each of you working on that separately AND TOGETHER. Healing in that way would most likely give your relationship a solid base to build romance and friendship on.
If your partner refuses to be involved in such a positive relationship activity, then go it alone in repairing your self esteem. In a relatively short period of time, your spouse will either see your improvement and join you for the sake of your relationship . . .
Or not. If not, you must weigh your options carefully, and then wisely decide what to do. If you are not happy in your relationship, Decide this Valentines Day to do the work only you can do to spend future Valentines Days a happy person.
I wish you all the same kind of love I have had for almost 20 years. If I could bottle it and give it to you, I would gladly do that to save a marriage. My advice comes from hard earned knowledge. I have only a high degree earned from life experience.
* The knowledge regarding your mate being the highest ideal you have of yourself came to me in Ayn Rands books. As I studied people over the next many decades, I found it to be true.
If you read my blog today, Happy Valentines Day. How amazing a blessing our constant love, and friendship is. We have together endured teenagers; supported each other in the type A work positions only the insanely organized can pull off; conquering the long list of our illnesses including my major surgeries, and your Cancer; the disappointments of our forced medical retirements; and more – with mutual help, love, and support. We have so many blessings to count each day.
I love you,
Copyright © 2015 by Juanita Holloway-Walters
All Rights Reserved.
VERY GOOD ADVICE DEAR FRIEND. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO BOTH OF YOU. SENDING LOVE OF THIS DAY AND EVERYDAY.
Oh thank you! Love back to you and Bruce. Spring is showing its early face here, on and off. We are so hopeful and John does seem to have the Cancer under control. Praise the lord who obviously loves us so. Insurance finally approved tests for me, and my doctors are truly behaving as a team to get me past all this medical crap. Even have a new young Neurosurgeon — A Baylor Man. I am truly counting my blessings, and we still laugh at a drop of a hat. Happy Valentines my sweet friend.