Tag Archives: Grandchildren

‘MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN’ SERIES – COMMENTARY ONE – MARRIAGE

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Juanita Holloway-Walters

This is it; the one that caused writer’s block. The subject matter has done much to divide America, and all the way down to the family and close, warm, personal, friend level in society. A question: Why should I turn my back on my centuries old Christian beliefs of marriage, to pretend to embrace someone else’s beliefs – JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO THINK SOMETHING I AM NOT HARD WIRED TO THINK? It is a ridiculous proposition. I am praying the emotional blackmail of deceitful Political Correctness has run its course, and failed in America. We may be surprised at how fast certain aspects of the Politically Correct model of America may change over-night, if American Christians turn away from Secular Christianity fraught with agnostic, and even pagan beliefs.

It still confounds me as to how such a small segment of our population was hijacked by the enemy within, using the truly evil practices of Political Correctness to insert counter-culture ideals into the very core of our American Culture. The “latest estimate shows that 3.8% of our population actually identify as LGBT,” as per Gallup. (1) We can scarcely turn on the big or little screens without having the gay lifestyle crammed down our throats. The fabric of our Christian nation is weak to have allowed this content to be in the realm of 100% saturation of our children through school, through television, and through music.

SKREEEEECCCHHHHHHH! STOP! NEWS FLASH! THE LIONS SHARE OF BLAME FOR OUR POLITICALLY CORRECT BROKEN AMERICA IS NOT THE 3.8% OF OUR POPULATION — IT IS A LARGE PORTION OF THE 75% OF AMERICANS WHO SAY THEY ARE CHRISTIANS – but, do not follow the Commandments Jesus gave us; nor do they follow the Ten Commandments handed down to Moses from God. No Christian precept may have been violated more than the scriptures telling us about Marriage. How many married Christians are following what the Word of God says about marriage? What Baby Boomers passed down to our children, and grandchildren is a lack of respect for our heterosexual Christian marriage. If the institution of marriage had not been sorely abused, we would be a wholesome America not needing to “Make America Great Again.”

How many marriages failed because The Lord was not present in the marriage? I can tell you that The Lord was not present in my failed marriages. Then I got on my knees and asked the Lord to forgive me for having a victim mentality when it came to relationships with men. I did not know my scriptures well, and therefore, I had no reference of what life was all about. Because I did not know my Bible, I was totally without any real help. We exist for God’s glory, and if we are here for God’s glory, then we should know what pleases God. One day I prayed to understand the scriptures, and it was as if a light had been turned on in my soul, and in my mind. Not only do I understand the scriptures, but I also understand who is in the scriptures and why my understanding is so important to a happy life.

Not long after that, I prayed on my knees, and asked The Lord to pick me a husband who loved The Lord, would be faithful to me, and who would love me in all the ways I love. My marriage with John for two decades has been a miracle to me every day. The love and respect in the beginning has grown over the years. Hardships came and went without much fuss, because we had something bigger in our lives than teen aged children testing us at every turn, careers, wealth, or health issues. I look back and see much love and laughter every day of our marriage ordained by God. We pray to be an example to our loved ones, and to others . . . even to be a catalyst for others to improve their marriages. John and I see other good marriages, and we are further strengthened in the purpose of the gifts God has given each of us to be a help to you when we are able.

For Americans to “Make America Great Again,” America’s Christian population must renew their relationship with Christ, and renew their commitment to great marriages. Great marriages make great families. Great families make an involved citizenry that looks to local schools, churches, and community institutions with The Lord’s Christian Absolutes in mind. WE DO NOT CHECK OUR CHRISTIAN FAITH AT ANY DOOR, FOR ANYONE. If we are Christian, who we are is Christian to the bone.

Sadly, only a small percentage of today’s American Christian population has read The Bible. Because they do not know what their Bible says, they have nothing of encouraging value when it is most needed.
“Today, about one-third of American adults report reading the Bible once a week or more. The percentage is highest among Elders (49%) and lowest among Millennials (24%).” (2) The Word of God, contains the Moral Absolutes Christians need to live a wholesome life.  ‘All come short of His Glory’ (3); and when we have fallen short of His Glory, we are to repent, seek forgiveness, and move on in life without the need to keep going back to learn the same lesson over, and over again. We are to grow spiritually, for which there is much help in studying The Bible.

Satan, and his minions, exist to trip you up by giving you the Big Lie of Moral Relativism. It means that my faith is the faith of life, and someone else’s is the faith of death. Moral Relativism says that they are equal and both true. It also means that the death crowd believes their views should be taught to my children, and it is only fair for my children to be exposed to their minority faith. I do not believe in Moral Relativism, and cannot abide by such negative and lethal forces to be allowed anywhere near my children, and grandchildren.

The truth is that our marriages are a reminder of the relationship Christ has with His Church here on Earth. When we dishonor the millennium old tradition of Christian marriage, we are also dishonoring our relationship with Christ – we are The Church – Christ’s Church. Our marriages should be an example to all the goodness of Holy union with our spouse, and with our Lord as members of His Church. There are many scriptures about marriage, but this is the most excellent in my view:

“EPHESIANS 5:
“20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto The Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and He is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as The Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by The Word,

27 That He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as The Lord The Church:

30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and The Church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Not that John and I have the perfect marriage, for there is no such thing under the sun; however, we stand on 20+ years of the closest thing to it that either of us have ever seen. We have seen other good marriages, but ours is almost supernaturally excellent. The Lord matched us up – two givers. The love and mutual respect is a part of the success. I think that we like our male and female roles, and we enjoy being male and female as God made us down to the DNA in our cells. We have also been blessed beyond measure, and our prayers have all been answered. We do not forget to ask Him to help us attain needed medical help, as well as help for others. Some say we are lucky. I don’t believe in luck; I believe in recognizing the blessings in our lives without ceasing.

Solomon was the second son of David and Bathsheba. His mother worried that his father had taught him to be a womanizer. Bathsheba’s pet name for her son is Lemuel and we see in Proverb 31 the advice she imparts to him regarding a wife – a wife worthy of a King!!

PROVERB 31
10 
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

We have witnessed in America the deliberate masculation of women by certain factions of our population, and the counter emasculation of men in that process. For every movement under the sun, there is a counter movement that occurs. Women hit their forties and wondered at their biological clocks tick, tick, ticking away, and the absence of available marriageable men. Many of these women became bitter and angry, without recognizing if they had played a part in the sad outcome . . . without asking for forgiveness for the error of their ways, and their biological clock alarms stopped ringing. Many men who turned from women, have not found the peace they were seeking. The saddest part in all of this is the effect it has had on the next two generations.

The studies of children in America is a hotbed of information. It matters not who did the study, or how scientific, there is always a group of naysayers. “Dr. Mark Regnerus is a University of Texas Sociologist who rocketed to fame – or infamy, depending on one’s views of homosexual parenting – in 2012 with the publication of his study about how well children are doing.” (4) Other studies from the LGBT crowd have proven to be “fixed” by the subjects in the study. Dr. Regnerus’ study skyrocketed because of his actual random sampling of a large study group. BUT, we can look to studies of children from broken homes, alcoholic homes, abusive home, welfare homes, and homes of any extreme element, to find that children from these homes are in an emotional pickle, just as the children in the Dr. Regnerus study.

Children need boundaries for themselves and their friends (so important), for their siblings, and for their parents – the rules of acceptable behavior – or Moral Absolutes. To find success in our lives, we need only look to our Lord and Savior, and what He tells us in the scriptures. My favorite place for Jesus advice is the book of Matthew, but they are found in all the Gospels, as well as the letters Jesus wrote to the churches in Revelation, and on every page of the Bible. The most important and widely read book since Jesus death and resurrection, is sadly not being read by all Christians. It is the only book that will help heal our Republic; and it is pivotal in American’s “Making America Great Again.” Without a return to Biblical Christianity, any attempts of restoring the Republic would be weak at best. This is where the healing must begin.

Copyright © 2016 by Juanita Holloway-Walters, All Rights Reserved

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More Bible verses about marriage for your own study. These plus the ones noted in the commentary above would make a good long-term small group study:

Genesis 2:18                                         Psalm 128:1-6               Proverbs 5:12-14
Proverbs 20:6-7                                     Malachi 2:13-14             1 Corinthians 7:3
Colossians 3:18-19                                1 Timothy 5:14              Hebrews 13:4

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(1) http://www.gallup.com/poll/183383/americans-greatly-overestimate-percent-gay-lesbian.aspx
(2) http://www.barna.com/research/the-bible-in-america-6-year-trends/#
(3) Romans 3:23
(4) http://www.cnsnews.com/commentary/lynn-wardle/childrens-sake-we-must-not-ignore-differences-between-heterosexual-and-same

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PART TWO – RUNNING IN CIRCLES – ANSWERS

I KNOW!!! What I wrote in Part One was personal, and shocking for that reason. Yes, but, this issue needs exploring to put it in a healthy perspective. It may be an almost exclusive WHITE MIDDLE CLASS issue – I don’t know for sure, and I certainly do not mean to leave anyone out of this group of Boomers due to my ignorance. First, for clarity: What you may, or may not, have perceived from Part One of my commentary is that I am very proud of my son, his soul-mate wife, and my grandchildren. How could he be my son and not be independent, immediately and passionately (inside his domain / home) family oriented, and successful at whatever he chooses to endeavor. When I do see him, he is very forthcoming with apology for his busy life, and never forgets to tell me he loves me. On many occasions over the years he has sincerely rewarded me with praise. I have a file full of Birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas Cards that say wonderful things – not just about his opinion of me – but also, about he and I. Over the last 5 years many people have contacted me privately to tell me their woes that almost mirror mine identically regarding our mostly absent Generation X children (Gen X). I believe I know of several reasons that work in conjunction with each other to have left us with the outcomes we are experiencing. We are a significant number of the Baby Boom Generation (Boomers) who are experiencing the loss of immediate and close relationship with our Gen X children.

1)   An easy one: Boomer’s Parents, and our schools were strict. When Boomers were children, we – who mostly spoke when we were spoken to – made up our minds that we would discipline our children in kinder ways, and listen to what our children had to say. OH boy!!! Speaking for me, I was an idiot. Before the last 20 years with John, I was for all practical purposes a single parent (even when previously married to another child to raise). What my children knew about manipulating me with guilt, even when they were five years old, would have shocked me if I had understood it at that time.

These Gen X children who voiced their opinions on everything under the sun have decided that the candy-xxx discipline we doled out was excessive. Right. Taking my son’s phone out of his bedroom until he brought his grades up, each and every time, caused my son to opine of how truly cruel I was. Well, always, within a week he would bring me notes from all teachers who would relay to me that his work was all turned in and his grade back up to an A or a B – depending on the subject. Discipline works.

One of the chief reasons these Gen Xers avoid us is their embarrassment when their children behave like undisciplined savages. Two minute time outs do zero to discipline children. When one of his children behaves in such manner around John and me, I can see the pure frustration and embarrassment in my son’s eyes and his body language. He knows I can read his signs, and that just compounds the whirlwind of feelings in the room. I can totally understand that his life is easier if the evidence of failed modern acceptable discipline results are not seen by me. When I explain how my young son was the happiest when his boundaries and known consequences were enforced, I also seem to lose any possible bond with my daughter-in-love.

2)   Gen X children are too busy to include their parents in their lives. Fair enough. But, we must ask why do they schedule themselves and their children 24/7/365 days a year? I don’t have a lot of answers here, but do know that their lives are so full of scheduled events, I worry that they have enough time with each other – much less time with John and I.

I remember watching my son being crushed under homework every night and most of his weekends when I made the decision to pull him out of the “gifted and talented” curriculum at school. I believe children need to be children, and that means they should let their imaginations run wild playing outside with other children. My children never met strangers, so they were really good at socializing. If you want to hear laughter in and around your home, you must let your children play outside until they smell like wet puppies.

It seems like our grandchildren’s playmates and best friends are their parents who take them to play dates, and birthday parties’ non-stop all year. On top of that they are taken to dance lessons, acrobatic lessons, piano lessons, and other kinds of lessons. When do these kids get to be in frequent free play outside developing not only social skills, but practical thinking on your feet skills?

3} Below are descriptions, an expert has given to the Boomers, and Gen X which most of our children were born into. I think it gives us some insight into the phenomenon of our children loving us from a distance.
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“BOOMERS Born 1946 – 1964

An amalgam of two distinct sub-sets:  the save-the-world revolutionaries of the ‘60s, followed by the self-improvement party’ers of the late ‘70s and early ‘80s.  Career-driven.  The Golden Generation in the American workplace.  Assertive.  Leaders.  Ethical.  Demanding.  Struggled with marriage and parenting.  America will now be a Boomer-led nation into the 2030’s.  This generation will never fully retire, and this is about to change America’s workplace, marketplace, and lifestyle profoundly.

GEN-X Born 1965 – 1981 – [My children were born 1973, and 1979.]

The latch-key kids grew up street-smart but isolated, often with divorced or time-starved dual-career parents.  Entrepreneurial.  Independent.  Creative.  Career “free agents”.  Feel disempowered and disengaged.  Eager to make marriage work and “be there” for their children.  Starting to chalk up some victories in life.  X’ers are rising.  They’ll lead America in the 2030’s and 2040’s.  They will give our nation excellent “idea leadership” but will need training to become good “people leaders”.

“FIRST-WAVE MILLENNIALS Born:  1982 – 1996 (and still coming!)” You can go find this group if you are interested. They are our grandchildren, and some late Boomer children – but, not the Boomer children we are thinking about in this commentary.

© 2009 The Generational Imperative, Inc. All rights reserved.

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The first thing I noticed is that the “expert” wrote something negative about the Gen X childhood because of their parents, and nothing about Boomer parents. I could write a book on how dysfunctional most Boomer homes were. If they were not actually divorcing, they were constantly threatening to. What sticks out most for me, is that because Boomer parents experienced the Depression as children, and WWII in their teen and young adult lives, they often lived through us – and even forcing us to be whom they wished they could have been as teens and young adults. It is hard to measure up to someone else’s dream. But, I digress . . . we are trying to understand why so many Gen X children have little time for their Boomer parents.

I believe that many Gen Xers hold some kind of a dual loving admiration and jealousy of who we Boomers were, and the world we lived in . . . let us look again at pieces of the Boomer description:

“Career-driven”

We Boomers were “fast trackers” – “movers and shakers” – well read – over educated – self-educated – an amazing society of engaged and successful people. We lived the American dream. White and Blue collar workers came together to achieve the most amazing advances in every industry on the planet. We enjoyed the last decades of true Capitalism, which made the Middle Class grow by leaps and bounds. If this was not Gen X parents, they felt like they were cheated. If it was their parents, they also felt cheated because we worked 55 hour work weeks to get ahead. At the time, we were determined to give our kids any advantage possible to insure their futures were as bright, or brighter than ours.

Somehow, many Gen Xers did not appreciate the link between the Middle Class lifestyle they enjoyed, and how hard we Boomers worked. It also seems probable that when Gen Xers size up todays often negative atmosphere for similar levels of endeavor, they have given up without showing true American Culture at its best, by peacefully fighting back to make the ultimate checks and balances of our government work, and answerable to We The People.

Many Boomers realized that the link between home, food, clothes, schools, entertainment, and the massive man/hours we worked to achieve the best we were capable of providing, was not translating to the values our children should have received by the process. Like many, determined to make them understand, I sent my Gen X teenagers out into the world to earn money after school, and summers.

I remember the first week my teen son worked on a concrete crew; a job I had attained for him. He railed against me for two weeks; claiming I was trying to kill him via jackhammer death in the crouched position to make holes in concrete for rebar. At the end of his second week, he received his first paycheck – and Katie Bar the Door!!!!!! This is undoubtedly the planted seed of why he works so hard and owns his own business. (I really need a smiley face here!) At the end of that summer he wanted to keep working and earning money, and screw school. Not a chance my genius son would be allowed to drop out!

My son received that job because of my connections. Jobs for teenagers in America was a part of our heritage. Due to open borders, the summer and after school jobs that should have been there for our teenaged Gen Xers, to build their young character on, went to adult illegal aliens. When they graduated and entered the workforce, not only did many have no experience to put on their resumes, but the national economic failures left few jobs for them to have. Even those who attained degrees were working for a fraction of what they dreamed, for so long, they would be earning.

Gen Xers by the thousands compared their lives to their parents, and it became easier to disconnect from us than to feel they had failed to keep their place among the Middle Class they were raised in.

Here is where Boomers can visualize good reason for resentment: The day of honorable Capitalism is gone. What our Gen Xers are experiencing is a government hostile to the small and medium business. Endless laws & regulations steal the fruits of their labor. Laws like Obamacare are designed to put a burden on the small and medium business that it cannot bear. What our Gen Xers are dealing with is CRONY Capitalism, whereby large international corporations and our own out of control government are in cahoots to destroy the Middle Class.

Giving away our Gen Xers industries, jobs, and tax dollars to illegal immigrants, and our enemies in foreign countries has done nothing to bring up the standards of any other country, and sold out our American Culture and Heritage. We Boomers understand that the Gen Xers blame us. What the Gen Xers do not understand is that until the last two decades, the deceptions of our government, the undermining of our schools, and the trashing of our economy was done covertly. The last two decades are on both the Boomer and the Gen Xers for allowing it to happen. Sadly, our Gen X children do not have the necessary tools to do a peaceful economic and government re-set . . . they scarcely understand what our American heritage / culture is, therefore they blame their Boomer parents for their “bad luck.”
4)  Major differences in the Boomers and our Gen X children which has caused division over time:

–     Fear. Boomers experienced some levels of fear in their young lives regarding assassinations of leaders, Cuban Missile Crisis, the Cold War, and Vietnam. This pales in comparison to a long list of major events our Gen X children have experienced in their young lives moving forward to the present day: being desensitized by the sex and violence on the big and little screen, 9/11, crazy dictators obtaining Nukes, the roller coaster economy, EMP threats, trying to determine why there is government insistence on a debunked Global Warming – and all the business smothering regulations created because of it, terrorist threats including biological warfare, never ending wars and rumors of wars, explosive economy with constant threats of a dollar collapse.

–     Faith. Boomers were raised in an atmosphere of Christian principles and values, and a strong family unit. Even if Boomers were not actively attending church, or even Christian, society’s principles and values was the choice of America. 93% of Americans were Christian when I graduated high school in 1970. Of course there were criminals, because we are flawed humans. Most Christians in the 60’s considered themselves “born again,” gospel believing, Christians who were positively changed on the day they accepted the Lord into their lives.

The Christianity of today must largely be the apostate kind with weak principles and values, because we have millions of secularists telling us that evil or bad is just as valid for living as those principles and values that I have carried with me from my childhood forward. Today 78% of Americans are “Christians.” They do not like the crime levels, and ignored American Christian principles and values any more than I do, but they are willing to say your god and my God are the same god, and “whatever” when you try to tie them down on living in a Christian America. Just one quick example, in a sea of examples we could live by . . . we would have to throw out 95% of our television and movie content to bring our lives in line with Christian principles and values.

Due to my upbringing, Boomers expected to be instrumental in our children having a better life than we did. Due to my son’s upbringing, he expects to be instrumental in his children having a better life.
In the long run, and looking at the rule, and not the exception, our expectations will not be met, and more so for my dear grandchildren.

I do not have all of the answers as to why so many of our Gen Xers have distanced themselves from parents they love and respect. The several reasons above are part of the phenomenon. I have read that America has twice turned around inside of six months back to the Lord, and Christian principles and values. Is it possible for this to happen when so many are just making it through each day the best they can, and isolating those from their lives that may be able to help them more spiritually than the apostate church / secular church that is sweeping up our Gen Xers – if they even bother with church at all.

Many, many Boomers have abandoned our churches, recognizing them for the changed entities they are in the process of becoming. THE CHURCH IS THE BODY OF CHRIST. There should never have been division, upon division, upon division of The Christian Church. Along with these divisions – departing from our foundational Christian teachings for man-made denominational religions – departing from the worship in Jewish homes in the early church for man-made cathedrals and statues with so much money it could have fed the world over and over for decades.

My Mother’s Day card from my son, “Mom, I’ve been thinking of all the great memories from being your son! Thank you for all the fun and love I experienced through my life because of you!!” This doesn’t sound like a Gen X son who neglects his relationship with his mother. It is like my Gen Xer is away at some insane camp that Boomers are not allowed into. They know what we would say and do. The “wisdom of grandparents” is not something these Gen Xers are willing to allow into their lives, and their children’s lives. It would not be convenient to the image they have of themselves, when we are near and dear.

As I stated in Part One, I am always open to any ideas you have for solving this heart wrenching problem. How do we bring our Gen Xers back into our lives, and the whole country back to the Lord? It is true that all of the above is almost mind numbing when you consider it all together, but each issue needs to be reconciled before there is unity in our families. There is so much division in our land that is described as political, racial, ethical, etc. etc. etc. I know that our willingness to live with these political issues, without calling the leaders out for lying about every division they have caused, has left the nation in sad repair. Perhaps if we could solve the divisions between generations first, we could then tackle the rest of it together.

Copyright © 2015 by Juanita Holloway-Walters

All Rights Reserved

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