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When I heard today Elton John’s “Someone Saved My Life Tonight,” my vulnerability, and emerging strengths from 40 years ago all came rushing into my present thoughts and senses. That song means different things to different people. We hear music that transports us to a place and time when it was contemporary. I first heard that song on a night when I felt I had escaped an unfaithful and destructive spouse. We affix meaning to the words that are personal to each of us, only vaguely aware of what it probably meant to the artist who gives us timeless music. I look back on how emotionally damaged I was, and I thank the Lord I eventually healed.

Being emotionally crippled doesn’t mean one cannot function well, but it can mean you are consumed by the feeling of being a fraud as an adult. When one of the employees under my supervision confronted me with accusations of expecting others to be as “perfect” as me, I was in a rare moment of total incomprehension. I did not recognize it for the manipulation it was. She described me as a freak of nature with perfect this and perfect that, and an abnormally higher level of work ethic than the rest of the world. How I wish everyone today understood that lowering the bar on anything such as ethics, faith, education, and endeavors is to validate a losing philosophy of bringing everyone down to the loosing level, instead of having everyone work to attain the highest level of success in all areas of life.

What I didn’t recognize 40 years ago is that I was working in my personal and professional life under that false assumption of: If everything looks and seems perfect, then everything must be in the realm of normal. This was applied to the appearance of myself, marriage, children, home, and office; and in my performance of work, as well as the work of those I supervised. YES, it was as exhausting as it sounds. The further I ended up from the love I so desperately needed to give and receive, the more I strived to make everything around me perfect.

Except it wasn’t – none of it. Being of strong faith, I prayed and prayed for my emotional life / love live / married life to be whole and good and meaningful. If that prayer had been handed to me while I was still broken, it had zero chance of lasting more than a moment in time. I was working myself to a frazzle at cross purposes. At the very least I was third generation of women in my family who suffered from spousal abuse – mental and / or physical. I worked as hard at getting it right as I have worked at anything in my life, with nothing but repeated failure to show for it.

The first book I read for some help was titled “Women Who Love Too Much” by Robyn Norwood. Oh my goodness, I read the first chapter and cried from the deepest recesses of my soul. I read and studied self-help books on this subject, and spent about 6 months in self sought-after counseling. That led to studying personality types, and abusive / alcoholic homes. I am not saying that all of this studying was of no benefit. If nothing else it honed my management skills. I started to figure out who I was, and relaxing for the first time in my life. But, nothing about my broken emotional state was healing.

I soon figured out the dirty little secret about everyone’s inner child. Take a fairly brief look back to learn from it, and quickly leave your inner child where he/she belongs – in your childhood! Absolutely everyone comes from a dysfunctional home – everyone! We are all living in the same mixed bag of pseudo-heaven, pseudo-hell, and daily grind on this earth. I also learned something we drill into our children, one’s best intentions was never the winning recipe for any endeavor. As a young woman, I was up to my ears in good intentions – mine and theirs . . .

So, how did I finally break the generational mold, and stop marrying the same bad situation over and over again trying desperately to finally get it right? How do I take half of the credit for the most amazing marriage for twenty years? The answer is the easiest, and seemingly hardest thing humans can do. I turned one hundred percent to my faith in God, and my constant belief in the Gospel regarding our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I quickly discovered that I had not brought my faith to maturity. It takes effort to accomplish these things in Christian faith that enrich our lives, bring us into viable awareness of His Holy Spirit within us, and therefore we truly become reborn / new, and ready for adult Christian marriage. The successes of many Christian marriages can often be understood when you think of the following things, and the positive effect they have on couples, communities of couples, and nations of couples:

–     First, before and after marriage, we should study the Bible as a whole book written by the Lord through men via His Holy Spirit. To do this we must become aware of who is talking and who is being talked to throughout the scriptures. When you do this work, you come to understand that most of the Bible is written for the Jew, the rest is written for the Gentile. This clears up the constant criticism of supposed inconsistencies in the scriptures by those who are ignorant – to the ignorant. The book seen under this light changes before your eyes. You see how every word, every scripture, every book is tied to all others. Until you understand the essence of those thousands of ties, you will not understand it was written first outside our space / time continuum by our Lord – no other explanation covers the phenomenon you will see for yourself upon thorough study. Look for redemption and our Lord on every page. If we come into a marriage having done this work separately, we can continue it together – providing the solid foundation a husband and wife need to raise up their children.

–     Remember, that our Lord is Jewish – and the Christian marriage in totality of meaning is innately Jewish. The Lord coming for His Bride / His Church – is a “type” of the Jewish marriage.

–     The entire Bible is for our study. The lessons for the Jews, and Christians are so very important for the Christian couple to understand the world today. These lessons need to be passed down to children raised in Christian homes.

–     IF you are not willing to apply what Jesus says about marriage to your life, then you may not be ready for marriage.

–     As a Christian you are charged with the Great Commission – to bring the love and the word of the Lord to others. If you are not feeling a positive “change” after accepting the Lord into your life, check that you are not worshipping a non-Christian false god (parading around as our Lord), and living for something other than being one of God’s children. We are warned to not be deceived.

–     It is important to be equally yoked in a Christian marriage – similar backgrounds, intelligence, culture, likes, are very helpful, BUT, the most important would be same commitments, such as work ethic, family ethic, and faith.

–     A Christian marriage is a union of a man and a woman with the Lord in their marriage.

–     “Ephesians 6:22 – 33 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

NOTE: Do not misunderstand. God created you, husband and wife, equal – but different for good and very wonderful reasons.

–     To worry, worry, worry is so Jewish mamma . . . not Christian (LOL).  We must leave our worries with the Lord. Pray for guidance in all things. Many a Christian marriage could do with much less worrying.

When I asked the Lord to pick me a husband because I had done such a lousy job of it, I also prayed ON MY KNEES for guidance. Almost immediately He moved my heart to open my Bible one more time – instead of trying to understand it – my eyes were opened, and I understood it.

The home I grew up in created a broken Juanita who just didn’t know how to escape the turmoil of her parent’s volatile marriage, especially marrying that same type of turmoil myself. I was the 3rd child of Happy Harry and Beautiful Mary. I was the “fixer” in a socially alcoholic home. I was the kid who believed she could love them enough and do enough for them (the whole Cinderella routine LOL), and would fix them in the process – thusly carrying that theme into my adult life – over and over again – desperately trying to make it come out right.

I was not raised in a home of adults who took their children to church. My parents being of different Christian denominations decided to let us figure it out for ourselves once we were adults. I was the black sheep in my party family; the one who tagged along to any Christian church, with anyone who would let me ride along. In grade school I loved the Vacation Bible Schools of five different Christian Denominations. I tagged along to church with different folks each year of my teen life. Without the foundation of parents who were in a healthy Christian marriage, with the Lord included, I still came out into my young adult life broken emotionally.

HOWEVER, I saw the goal constantly! I cannot remember how many homes where I saw how good it was when the family prayed and worshipped together. Look around our nation. Look at the debauchery and blatant unhappiness everywhere. Even those who are happy in their Christian marriages look hard to find fellowship in a church that has not turned apostate. I cannot fathom a citizenry that prefers the state of the entire nation today, than other periods of time when our Christian faith super-majority tendered America very good, and infinitely safer for families. What God would have us do – the millions of Americans who are sick of the debauchery, corruption, lies, and deceptions in their communities, and their nation – is to get on our knees together and pray for the Lord to intervene – to ask the Lord’s forgiveness – with a penitent heart – every day without ceasing – and He will heal our land. God Bless You.

Copyright © 2015 by Juanita Holloway-Walters
All Rights Reserved.

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In this time between the celebration of our Lord’s birth, and His resurrection, the truth of Communion keeps coming to my mind.  In remembrance of our Lord . . .

“Matthew 26:26 – 29 (KJV) And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”

Satan’s desire to thwart God’s plans shows itself in millennium before, and since Jesus time on Earth with mankind. Prophecies regarding our Lord and human history have been interwoven with man’s fiction to create all manner of Cults and grouping of men hell bent on destroying the truth by deception. Not least of which are those that ridicule Communion. For Christian believers, this emotional event is in remembrance of our Lord coming to be with us in human form, and the work of the Cross. In sacrificing His life-blood to cover our sins, He is our savior and our redeemer.

In thinking on this, there was something in this reality of the Lord’s shed blood that I was missing. Then it came to me – the simplest of thoughts – the dimension of life that we all know, but somehow our Supreme Court couldn’t seem to grasp when deciding Roe vs. Wade . . . without blood, there is no beating heart, or working organs in our bodies. Without blood coursing through our veins, there is no life to the body that houses our souls. The Supremes in Roe vs. Wade would not define when life began, and made their decision based on THAT! So very clever a ruse as has ever been perpetrated on mankind.

If you are Christian, the new fetus in our womb is the moment life begins inside our body. We know that we existed in God’s knowing before that moment: “Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee.”

As it turns out, if you are not Christian, the same “moment of life” beginning inside our body is true. I found it easily. I even found it in a source that every school child can find – the Encyclopedia Britannica:

“In the human embryo, the first site of blood formation is the yolk sac. Later in embryonic life, the liver becomes the most important red blood cell-forming organ, but it is soon succeeded by the bone marrow”

Where there is human blood forming, there is life – Period. I further learned that the child’s DNA is in that new blood – the child’s DNA is unique, and wholly separate from the DNA of the mother. We each have God’s truth coursing through our veins. The lie was created to thwart God’s plan, and our shame for allowing this is almost too great to bear. If we ask His forgiveness, we will be forgiven . . . but to continue – is to ask for His wrath. Why we have not heard this from every Christian pulpit in America, I cannot even begin to understand. We are to be diligent truth finders – and this one wasn’t hard to find.

This new government program nicknamed Obamacare promotes the death of our unborn children. Court cases are being fought to force Christians to participate in abortion funding, and distribution. This fact should have been the first clue of the deception of the entire program. After centuries of medical research to improve and extend our lives, social medicine seeks not only to deny men, women, and children equally of these medicinal miracles, but to force participation in the death of unborn miracles. It will not be doctors deciding what medical miracles you may or may not have, it will be brain washed, and power infused administrators. This political disaster has come into fruition because of evil intent by giving the glorious illusion of redistribution of health care, when, in the full implementation of Obamacare – as evidenced in the wording of the bill, even that is a lie.

As we approach these weeks before Easter, I ask you to pray on this daily. I believe in miracles . . . especially when more than just a couple of us are praying together. God bless you.

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I try not to bore anyone who happens upon my blog, or my friends for whom I post items on FB. For that reason, I do not post every day. When you see a post from me, you will know I thought it worth my time and yours.

At the end of this short writing is a video from Ted Cruz that I recommend. As I listened to Senator Cruz, I am singularly proud of this statesman, and I pray he continues to be an honorable man. I do feel compelled to give testimony to young women regarding how they will feel in future decades about decisions made as a young adult.

My first child is 40 years old – a healthy and lovely girl child born in spite of my health problems specific to being female. My second child miscarried early in the second trimester. Such sorrow, I cannot adequately describe in words. Seen by several specialists for a few years, I was told it would be doubtful I would conceive again, and if I did, I wouldn’t be able to carry the child.

My now ex-husband declared to me that if I could not give him a son, he wanted a divorce. A marriage killing statement, however, I was pregnant at the time this was declared, and we just didn’t know it yet. Our son was born a month early and suffered an “immature stomach” for a few months. Once my son was a few months old, he became a very healthy child. The child survived ominous declarations when I first began visits to the obstetrician. Today, my son is 34 years old.

The post delivery weeks were difficult for many reasons. I was the chief bread-winner and the more responsible adult in my marriage. I returned to work at 2 weeks even though I was experiencing some debilitating medical post-delivery problems. I became pregnant almost immediately after giving birth to my son. I was back at work 2 months when I was told by my Ob/Gyn that I was pregnant, I would not be able to carry the child, – and he had scheduled a D&C for me early the next morning to stop the severe “.” problems. (This is difficult to talk about, but if you guys can suffer through the television commercials on this subject, I guess I can muddle through this testimony.) The decision had been made for me. My health would deteriorate more than it already had if I didn’t do something immediately.

I checked into the hospital that same evening. In looking back, I see now that it was odd that a nurse spent considerable time talking to me until I took a sleeping pill and went to sleep for the night. She was very reassuring that what I was doing was good for my health, and so I could work and take care of my family.

This is a story I have rarely told anyone. For those of you who think of terminating a pregnancy, my message is simple – – – Even though I was only a few weeks pregnant, and my health was at risk, and I was the person my children could count on to be a responsible parent  . . . I regret being such a ninny at that time in my life and allowing my judgement to be completely influenced by another. To this day, the possibility of a 3rd child still haunts me, and I regret that decision made so many years ago.

I am sixty years old, and I regret a decision I made over three decades ago. America’s biggest shame is that she has passed laws that allow the deaths of millions of babies. What kind of society kills it’s own. It doesn’t matter if it is a 6 week pregnancy, or a later term pregnancy, what is wrong is wrong. We do not congratulate someone who is happily announcing that they are going to have a baby – congratulations on your fetus . . . NO . . . we congratulate them on the fact that they are going to have a baby.

God forgave me, and I forgave me . . . but that will never erase the loss of a possibility that I would have cherished as much as I cherish the children I did bring into this world. I pray for all young people to chose life. Choosing life is never a wrong decision.

Well, I am sad to tell you there is more to what I know . . . I knew a woman who chose a late term abortion, and she and the baby died. It is not my story to tell, but I can tell you this . . . she died because she went to a back woods hack to have her late term abortion. If I were Mr. Cruz and other Senators, I would pass a bill so strong against anything like a back woods abortion hack, that no person would take the chance of doing that.

So, here I am at a turn in the road of my convictions . . . I vehemently preach against abortions . . . I have known too many women who regret having done it . . . I also vehemently preach against back woods abortion hacks . . . I would prefer those who must have an abortion to have it done in a sterile hospital operating room – and never after the first trimester. All I can actively do is pray for America to turn from her acceptance of practices that make our culture rather barbaric, and share with women that even in my circumstances of so many years ago, I still regret my actions

So, here we see the dilemma we are faced with. America’s solution has been to grant abortions a-la-carte or carte blanch. I support legislation that brings those who are uninformed, to become informed of what their choice means to them and to their child. We must each ask ourselves why there are so many liberal thinkers who fight against some reasonable, and educational steps before any abortion. Seeing a film of the child in the womb from conception to birth should be the bare minimum of education on the subject. Those who are against this process are fighting to kill babies in uneducated women – why? I would think that those against this process need to enlighten us as to why they are against the pregnant woman understanding exactly what is happening inside her womb.

These same abortion minded people are against a 3-day waiting period. Why? I have done a lot of reading on this subject, and no one has given a sound reason why a 3-day waiting period is wrong. The same crowd that preaches that a child cannot even take an aspirin in school unless there has been parental consent given, are against that same parent knowing if their child has an abortion, or is receiving birth control.

I would like to point out that when I graduated from high-school in 1970, only one person in my class had a child in her teen years. What was so different? We were not educated on the thrills and techniques of sex in school. We were not offered birth control at school. We lived in a moral society, that frowned upon sex before marriage. Based on results, I highly recommend we return to teaching our children how to live in a moral society – without any public school contradicting what we chose to teach our children.

The following is a short video from Senator Ted Cruz, speaking on the Senate floor. I pray you all cheer him on in this endeavor, as well as many other endeavors which will be a catalyst for turning the morality of American society back to the days when abortions did not kill our progeny.

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