You know I try to write only when I have something to say, and I am still here. When I worked, I worked circles around others, while training them to take my place. Today, the effects of 35 years of illness (and over 20 of those hiding it), and effects of necessary medications, I am more likely running in circles. I love to cook, and it has not escaped me that activity lasts 2 to 3 hours – and there is closure as we eat the things I cook. That equals feeling successful day to day. When I clean out a chest of drawers or a closet, it is such a successful high, I get John to take me out to celebrate. Me getting gussied up to even a fraction of younger glory is cause to have an adult beverage. (That is limited to only one drink a few times a year due to medications.)
What I am doing – to do a NEW set of commentaries . . .
Writing some commentaries about sin – and I started them yesterday by writing the introduction. . .
Needed scripture from Matthew, found it, but . . .
Remembered it is one of the books I must study in detail – so far about 8 hrs on Chapter One, and about 2 hrs. on Chapter Two . . .
Had an epiphany about a book need to co – write with John and re – outlined 14 Chapters.
Remembered my Daughter in love gave me a 1938 copy of Crime and Punishment and I still want to read it and I started today, appropriate to the commentaries . . .
AND Here is where I need your wisdom:
There is the HUGE parent / adult child issue with my 36 year old STILL taking up valuable brain time! He apparently doesnt understand respect, in the way I do . . . and the most important difference between talk and action – and I get from him that in some unexplained way it is my fault? Not a chance . . . Action woman here that raised him. Love him. My pendulum was in the other extreme, I could never tell my Mamma no. I need to figure this out so I can let the issue go. Love my kids madly! It would be fair to say that I was the primary working provider in their young lives . . . And also enjoyed their company and being fun Mommy . . . when I wasn’t being Strict Mommy bearer of Consequences!
So here is the issue, and any wise words you could share with me would be appreciated. Oh, not a chance he reads my blog posts, and they are not on FB. He listens to books while driving from business clients to the office to picking up kids to home to wherever . . . Not a reader like me – he does also have his fathers genes.
Issue: If I dont call him, I wouldn’t hear from him but MAYBE 6 times a year. His words: Mom, anyone who talks to me, or sees me, knows they have to call and make an appointment in my life – even my clients know this. I am too busy to remember to call you or stop in to see you. I should clarify that he and his wife own their own business.
When John and I lived 30 minutes away, the excuse was that we just lived too far away. We moved – 8 minutes door to door. He tells me that as he and my grand daughters pass by where we live every day, the girls wave and say, Hi Grandmama in my general direction.
Over the years , I did call him, for him to tell me he had another call, and he would call me back – which he rarely did. Case in point. Even the day at the VA when we learned about my husbands stage 4 cancer, and I excused myself as John was winding up with the doctor – I ran outside crying and called my son, needing his support, and he said he would call me back, but did not. I understand business is important . . . But?
So, recently he expands the ‘you call me’ theory of conduct. Even his martial arts class is a scheduled event 2 nights a week . . . As well as “boys night out ” for him, and “baby sit his own children” night for his wife to get out. There is church on Wednesdays, and Sundays where he drives the bus to pick up and drop off the old people, and there is their young couples class and church . . . And the various ways in which his wife’ s family depends on him – good example is all those females telling him he will be the one to spend nights in the hospital with his father- in – law because he is so hard to handle. That is a true statement. Saturdays are for all the birthday parties his children attend, and in the evenings the adults socializing with their friends.
I totally get that he is supposed to leave his parents, and cleave unto his wife . . . But I didnt find the part in scripture where you only talk to and see your mother 4 times a year. (Christmas, each grand-girl’s birthday, and the day before Mothers Day.) I have flat out told him that I need his support in my life. He replied that he needed me in his life too. Right . . .
I am so ready to stop feeling hurt over this. About once a day my thoughts go to my son, and in prayer for a happy solution. I was the one who called and planned get togethers for many years. John and I are battling his cancer, my escalated degenerative diseases, and some awful side affects of taking meds long term now. I thought my son would step up and be a uniting force in all this. I did try to say, okay, we will eat dinner, all of us, every Friday, since the rest of the week is filled already with other people and places. It happened once, and I was told we would do it on a Friday to Friday basis because their boys and girls nights out were much needed and on Fridays.
Either the answer to my prayers are no, or The Lord is telling me to be even more patient. OR?
Copyright © 2015 by Juanita Holloway-Walters
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Hi, is this a new post, or is it just to me? Your answers will be interesting. Keep praying I say.
New. I keep praying. I find it interesting how many have similar concerns about their adult children. Perhaps it is a generational thing – some new kind of vanity in adult children. Time will tell.